At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
