Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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