I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
