I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
