Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
