oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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