where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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