I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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