Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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