Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
