i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
