Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
How external is "for external use only"?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
