I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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