I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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