I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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