Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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