Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
