I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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