I feel great
I just peed on a car
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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