do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Bring me that man meat
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
