she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
