My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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