Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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