My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
