You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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