Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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