My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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