every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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