If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's always time for handjobs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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