I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
