: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
