Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
