i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You ruined the universe
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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