that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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