I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You can't special order awesome
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
