I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
