There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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