yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize