Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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