ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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