Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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