considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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