Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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