I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i think i just lost a toe
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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