Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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