Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
