My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
