I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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