he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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