I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
