I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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