I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
