The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
