Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
