She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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