Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
