then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
