this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
