So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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