The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
