Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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