Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
