I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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