I bet he comes in French.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
