apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
