community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
