Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
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Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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