i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
