If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
