i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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