I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
