Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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