i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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