hotel room ftw
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
