i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
