So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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