I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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