I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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