If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
