What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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