Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
