Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
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When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
two words: eviction party
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
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there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Come back. Shots need mouths.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize