I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
