Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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