Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Sober January is a disaster.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
