I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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